


Torture At Best

by xxwriter389xx



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Drama, Humor, M/M, and sex stuff, i started this back in 2010 but i've come back to it so i decided to post it here, there is some blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:33:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4199259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxwriter389xx/pseuds/xxwriter389xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if when you gave up the Death Note you didn't fully lose your memories? As bits and pieces leak into Light's dreams, he struggles with who he is and what he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Date

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize if the writing is not the best I tried to edit it since I originally posted it. This is ongoing so please enjoy!

"Liiiiiiight." 

Light tried his best to ignore the pathetic apple-loving excuse for a Shinigami floating behind him as he made his way through the park. 

"Why do I havta be dragged on your date?" he whined, closer to Light’s ear this time. He swatted him away as he would a fly or any other pest. 

Sometimes he could not comprehend how this incompetent creature was a god of death. But he supposed that wasn't up to him to decide. Humans being worthy…now that was a completely different story.

A newer and shriller voice then called out his name and he was thankful he had forced Misa into choosing a secluded place for this 'date'. If any member of the task force found him with her…Well that would only raise suspicion and he couldn't let that happen. Light was going to be God of a New World, and he was going to do whatever it took to get there. 

He put on his most convincing smile and allowed the little leach to cling to him as if her life depended on it. Speaking of lives, his life depended on this act… Light’s eyes drifted to where Rem floated a few yards away. Now if that damn Shinigami didn't love this insignificant fool so much he would be able to get rid of her. But for now it looked like he was stuck with her. But he would come up with a plan to get her out of the way. 

Lips pressed to his own brought him back to earth and he heard Ryuk laughing hysterically behind him. 

Sometimes, putting up with him didn't seem worth it. 

Light allowed Misa to take his hand, leading him over to the blanket she had set up on the grass, along with a picnic basket. 

Misa was babbling on about various nonsense, though he forced himself to listen the best he could. It was so hard when the pitch her voice had him begging for nails on a chalkboard. 

"And so when I finished the photo shoot I called up all of my friends and told them that I got a boyfriend! They were sooo jealous when I told them how completely gorgeous you are!"

Now that was something he didn't mind hearing. 

Light smiled, hiding the vain quality behind my mask of gratitude. 

"You really think so, Misa?" The silky smoothness of his voice amazed even him at times. It could have even himself falling in love. But the thought of himself and love didn't quite mix. Especially when everyone was so beneath him. And the only true person who could even hope of being worthy to battle against his intellect was the one he truly despised.

L.

Thinking back to the moment at the café, he remembered the tests L had given him, knowing he was calculating the moves in his brain. Light knew all his moves and L knew his, or so it seemed. But he would be able to outsmart him. The day would come when, Light, God of the New World, would triumph over L and anyone else who opposed him.

Though, back to his present situation, Misa was gushing over his perfect hair, perfect face, perfect skin…and his eyes and how they “simply sparkled in the sunlight”. And how could he deny things that honestly were undeniable? That's right, he couldn't. But instead he forced a bit of coloring onto his cheeks and smiled warmly at her. 

"You are too kind to me, Misa." His hand reached out to stroke her hair. A calculated move on his part. 

Act as if the hand had a mind of its own. "Oh--I'm sorry I wasn't thinking."

Pull the hand back a bit.

"No!" Misa latched onto it.

He smiled inside. So easy to predict. And with such a simple little plan.

"You can put your hands wherever you please, Light darling." She beamed up at him with an attempt at sultry eyes.

He nearly gagged, but kept up his façade perfectly. The only eyes that could ever pass off doing that were large, round, obsidian orbs; never hers--what in the world was he thinking?! 

He pushed all thoughts of a certain detective out of his mind as he lead Misa into the palm of his hand; as if she weren't there already. 

Light felt yellow fishy eyes watching his every move. And if he so desired he could try and learn a few plays, maybe use them on Rem. Ha! Good one, Light. Sometimes he amused himself. What he knew for sure was that Ryuk would never be able to pull things off the way he did. Not even the sultry-eyed detective would be able to accomplish that.

 

Walking down an empty street, Ryuk had begun chattering incessantly.

"You know, your girlfriend isn't half bad. I mean she gave me soooo many apples!"

Light was still stuck on the fact that he felt the need to say girlfriend with her not even around. 

"Don’t even call her that. She’s simply a thorn in my side."

"Yeah yeah," He chomped on an apple. "A thorn in your side who just happens to have a death note and the Shinigami eyes." He laughed his disgusting laugh, mouth full. 

"Could you at least swallow before you speak?" He gave a bored look at his cuticles. He needed to trim them tonight. 

"Sure sure." He continued eating his apples that his 'oh-so-kind-girlfriend' gave him. Even thinking that word in reference to her made Light’s stomach turn. 

Now if someone else, on the other hand, held the position of lover then perhaps he could deal with it. But it would have to be someone worthy of him. Someone worthy to compete against his superiority. And again, there was only one person capable of doing that. And that person was a certain wide-eyed detective named L.


	2. Friendship

"Light-kun shouldn't be Kira…but if he were, I would be in turmoil…because Light-kun…is the first friend I've ever had."

Light had stared at the back of L's head as he placed his spoon down on the small saucer that held his tea.

He wouldn't say that unless it were a trap. That man before him was not capable of having friends. Although he would admit that he was the closest he’d felt in regards to intellect in all his years but…friends? Light didn’t even think he was capable of having friends…No one was ever good enough… Not until now…

Those words constantly played over in his mind. It was long ago but… could he really have meant them? It had to have been something to gage Light’s reaction. Nothing further…

Light ground his teeth. This weakness was so unbecoming of him. He scowled at the thought that he may actually have meant what he said when he claimed that he thought of L as the same. There had to be some way to play this to his advantage. And this way must exclude his emotions from getting in the way. But how to play with L emotions while suppressing his own…?


	3. Forfeit

"I reaaaaally need an apple, Liiiight." 

Light scowled but refused to look at the Shinigami. Knowing L, his eyes would constantly be on the live feed from his prison cell. Turning his attention away from the floor would result in more assumptions from the detective, ones that right now he could not afford. Being in a position where he did not have full control was slightly daunting; but unavoidable none the less. 

Light had not once make eye contact with the camera poised at full view of his cell. Doing such would be useless. And knowing the detective he would make something of it. 

It was utterly impossible to explain how much he despised him. And yet at the same time he longed for him. To be in control of that body would be like nothing ever before. Insignificant humans such as Misa were easy to operate. Every whim was fulfilled before he would even voice what it was. She would do anything for him. But L…to conquer the world's greatest detective in such a way would be unbelievable. But if anyone were up to the task it would be Light Yagami. 

He struggled to keep myself from smiling. Everything would go according to plan. He was sure of it.

 

L eyed the button on the intercom that would connect him to his main suspect's cell. He pushed down and spoke in his usual bored tone. 

"Light-kun, it's only been one week so far but it seems that even you look haggard. Are you all right?"

L awaited a response from the young brunette that he was sure would hold its usual double meaning. 

"Yeah…" He kept his head down. "Even I can't think that I'm in good shape like this…but, all the claims that I had to my ridiculous pride…I'll forfeit them." 

L nearly laughed. The day in which that came would be the day he no longer ate sweets.

That calculating, narrowed gaze locked onto the camera for the first time since his imprisonment. L challenged it with my own blank stare.

But then a change started to occur. Those same eyes widened and lost their devious undertone. They looked like the eyes of a child. A scared and helpless child. One who couldn't possibly be Kira… But that was impossible.

Whatever kind of game he was playing it was not going to get to him. Fortunately enough Light could not see the momentary shock playing across his features. 

L missed part of what he was saying but what really stuck was:

"I'm not Kira!"

It was so convincing even L was inclined to believe it. It even seemed that Light took it as the truth. What had changed in those few seconds…why was he suddenly so completely different…?

~~~

"Do these look like the eyes of a person who's lying??"

L had stared at the live feed long after the young boy had at last fallen asleep, those words echoing through his head. It had now been weeks since Light’s sudden change of heart and L was more confused than ever, though he would never admit it.

The Kira murders had started again… So what was he supposed to believe..? Perhaps that somehow his powers had been passed on to someone else? That someone else was now acting as Kira? That would mean that for now Light was innocent. But he surely was once Kira. And there was only one way to make sure he wasn't still now. 

L called in Yagami-san. There was a plan that must take place before he could release his precious son.


	4. 24/7

"You are angry with me, Light-kun." 

He was stating the obvious. 

"Whatever gave you that idea, Ryuuzaki?" Light replied smoothly. 

He sighed, seemingly bored with this conversation already. "I told you previously that I am not doing this for myself. It is simply so I will have watch over you at all times."

"But what about showering? And going to the bathroom? I mean that seems to me like an invasion of privacy…" Not that this isn't already.

"Kira does not deserve privacy."

"Would you quit it?? I'm not Kira!" 

He couldn't stand being compared to that vile creature! 

I want justice! I want to catch this guy as much as he does! Why would Kira help convict himself??

"You are thinking about something, Light-kun. What is it?" He sat perched in his normal position, not looking up from his lap top.

"Ryuuzaki…" Light sighed, aggravated. "Why would Kira help to convict himself?" He voiced his previous thoughts aloud. 

"Ahh, Light-kun… Kira is a genius, as we have seen before. And if I know him, which I believe I do," He spared a glance for him before continuing on- which made him want to scream at the detective all the more. "He has a plan. And if everything goes according to that plan then being incarcerated, which you are now, was indeed planned. Which means Kira is not planning on getting caught. He wants to catch the…New Kira, so to speak. 

"Ryuuzaki," Light nearly growled. "Look at me." 

Emotionless black orbs focused on his fiery ones. 

"Do I really look like I would be Kira?" A tad of desperation sinking into his tone. And although he hid it well beneath his agitation he was sure L still detected it.

"As convincing as this performance may be…yes I do believe you are the image of Kira."

Light lunged at him then, pinning him to the bed, and if he hadn't been so angry maybe he would have thought twice about that move.

"You know how much Kira's pride means to him! It's obvious! And do you really think that if I were Kira I would beg like I did when in that cell?!" 

"I will admit that was rather uncharacteristic of him…"

"That's because I'm not him! I.am.not.Kira!"

He paused for a moment, searching Light’s eyes for…something…

"I am going to request that Light-kun remove himself from on top of me." He spoke after a moment. 

As soon as he felt a blush creeping up from under his skin, he rose and turned away. 

God how he wished he could just be alone…

 

L tried to keep his mind off the sleeping boy in the bed next to him as he tapped rapidly on his laptop's keyboard. But even with words and facts and statistics constantly appearing on the screen and videos playing at all times, he was constantly on L’s mind. 

This is not who I am. I do not get distracted by a child's games. Light is Kira and it is my job to prove that.

But now with this New Kira out on the lose it posed another challenge and Light's conviction lay in wait until further notice. And although getting Kira to slip up was an almost impossible task, L have done it a few times before if he was not mistaken, so it shouldn't be too hard.

Yet again, his eyes drifted to Light. His face looked as innocent as that moment in the cell when he was sleeping. His lips were parted slightly, and the normally perfectly coifed hair lay in slight disarray, giving him a childish air. L wondered if anyone ever saw him like this… And although those eyes had not once been calculating since his 7th day of imprisonment, he couldn't help but wonder if it was all an act…

But L felt he would find out soon enough. There was no way he could keep it up 24/7. He would slip up at some point. 

Because to Light, I'm sure being with me at all times is torture at best.


	5. Seduction In Chains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy stuff incoming ;D

L's skin was soft against Light’s tongue as he ran it down his neck. A tantalizing moan escaped his lips and the younger man smiled.

L had no idea how much that turned him on.

Something about this whole scenario felt surreal, but he didn't question it. He never considered the lack of handcuffs. He was too caught up in the motion of his mouth against L’s… tongues dancing, hips grinding, need growing…

Light woke with a start to see it was still nighttime. 

A small glow was emanating from L's laptop. But strangely his fingers weren't moving. His head was bent over the tiniest bit and his breathing was gentle.

Light couldn't imagine sleeping like that. The damage it would do to his neck had him aching at the thought. 

Light placed his laptop on the floor, and gently turned him on his side. His thumb was resting in between pale lips and raven hair splayed across sallow skin. 

He found his hand stroking the older man’s cheek and upon noticing it Light didn't pull it back. He wanted to feel that skin underneath his fingertips and know that he was real. 

He had never even thought about someone like this before. Not once. No one had ever been enough to catch his eye. So why was this sugar-loving-pale-faced-wide-eyed detective the one who did?

He mumbled something in his sleep and Light quickly pulled his hand away. He laid down on his back and soon sleep took him again

~~~

"Light-kun."

He felt a gentle nudging and groaned. "What time is it?" 

"Nearly six. I gave you a bit more time than I should have."

"How generous of you…" Light mumbled from where he had buried his face into the pillow.

"You still need to shower before the rest of the Task Force arrives so you should get up."

Light looked to see L’s hair just as messy as it had been last night. He smiled a little and then remembered how odd that would seem. 

"Is something amusing you, Light-kun?" His head tilted slightly to the side, lips parting the tiniest bit.

It took him a second to respond as he stared at those lips…Just one kiss…that was all he needed… Although one would lead to two and--well he better just stop there. 

"No nothing, I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki. But yes a shower—that does sound good. And will you be…accompanying me?" He asked somewhat uneasily. Not for the reasons he assumed but that wasn't important.

"I will stay in the bathroom but I will be removing the handcuffs. I wouldn't force you to shower with me of course."

Not that I would mind…

"Of course not…"

Once I finished showering and getting ready the Task Force had already arrived. Matsuda asked his usual useless questions and Aizawa gave his usual snappy comments in regards to Matsuda's stupidity. All in all it was a rather normal day. Lunch break came and as always L did not leave, which of course meant neither did he. 

Light tried his best to concentrate on the screens in front of him but it was appearing more and more difficult. 

He sighed.

L continued typing without a pause.

He stretched and yawned a little louder than necessary. 

"Is something the matter, Light-kun?" 

"No, just taking a small break." Light let his lie show easily.

"Is Light-kun implying that he is bored?" L's eyes were on him now.

"And if I were…" I stared back confidently. "How would you help me with such a thing?" A smile snaked its way onto his face.

He stared at him for a moment. 

"Well I could bring Miss Amane in here to entertain you…" He trailed off, reaching for the call button.

"No!" he said a little too quickly.

He looked to Light, raising an eyebrow. 

"I uh…you wouldn't want to disturb her… I'm sure she's doing some sort of…girl thing or something, y-you know…" 

Damn it, Light, what the hell was that?!

"Of course…" He looked back to his computer for a moment and before looking back at him began speaking again. "So this relationship…is one-sided?"

"I told you before that it was. I assure you, Misa is not the one I love."

"Are you implying that you love someone?" His slate gray eyes locked on Light’s. His pupils were like large black holes, sucking him in. 

"Well…"

What is going on?! I am supposed to be the one in control! Not him!

"To be honest, Ryuuzaki, I've never truly been in love…" Before now. "So I'm not sure I know how it feels."

Was this actually love? No…it was lust. And respect. That was all.

"Ahh…yes of course." He seemed satisfied with that answer…for now.

Minutes passed in silence and Light listened to the tapping of L's fingers on the keyboard.

He reached for his glass of water and took a sip as L posed a question.

"I had a very interesting dream last night, Light-kun. I dreamt you tucked me into bed and were stroking my face."

Light nearly choked on his water. He coughed, putting his glass down and holding up a finger in response. 

"I uh…what an odd dream."

Obsidian orbs watched him without saying a word. 

"Was there a point to telling me this?" Light’s voice was quieter due to his near-choking experience but he tried his best to hide it.

"Oh no I just thought perhaps you would know why I had it." Watching, gauging…

Did he know? Only one way to find out…

"Were you hoping it was real, Ryuuzaki?" A hint of seduction crept into his tone and he knew L sensed it. 

He didn't respond but Light saw a flicker of emotion pass across his features though he hid it well.

"Because, you know," Light rested his elbows on the desk, leaning closer to L. "You're skin does look extremely smooth."

"This is rather unprofessional, Light-kun." His voice shook the slightest bit.

"No one's around…You can let yourself lose, L." 

He visibly stiffened at the lack of an alias. 

He trailed his thumb down a pale cheek, following his jaw line. 

"Please, Light…" And even though it would appear he was asking Light to stop, his eyes were begging him to continue.

Light smirked and leaned the slightest bit closer. "Are you begging, L?"

"Ryuuzaki," he corrected him.

"Oh please…I know that L must be closer to your real name…And you love how it sounds coming from my lips don't you?" 

Light saw L's eyes flicker to his mouth at the mention and he smiled a bit more. 

"You should stop this immediately." L attempted to regain his composure. 

"Why would I ever stop when I know all you want is more?" Light was so close to him now that he could feel L’s cool breath brush against his skin and tickle his senses. He nearly forced a kiss upon the detective right then but refrained. If he were to make this work, forcing him would be no good. But that didn't mean he would be taking it all too slow either.

But before L could protest further the door to the room slid open and Light turned my attention to L's monitor.

"Oh yes, Ryuuzaki, I do see what you mean…I definitely agree."

"Don't you guys ever want a break?" Matsuda came over to us.

"That is unnecessary for me. But Light-kun here seems to be suffering a bit." His eyes were on the younger man now and even though they appeared as emotionless as usual to everyone else, Light detected the starting of a glare. 

Back to formality now was it? I loosened you up a bit there, L. And don't think for a second I won't be able to do it again.


	6. Blood On My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light has a messed up dream with a lot of blood and he really starts to question his sanity.

He hasn't said anything since earlier today…

Light sat on the bed, watching L work. He tried staying as far away from the younger man as the chain would allow. He was on his laptop—a real shocker there. 

"Is there a reason Light-kun is staring at me?" L's eyes didn't leave the computer screen. 

"All this formality is really grating at my nerves, Ryuuzaki. I broke down those walls for a moment back there."

He was silent, but Light was able to detect the slight falter in typing, no matter how minute it may have been. 

"Why don't you just admit you wanted more so we can be done with it? There's no need to lie." Light allowed his silky voice to wrap around the detective, strangling him so he could no longer deny him.

"Because I do not lie."

"Well that was one hell of a lie right there, detective." 

"No need to curse, Light-kun."

He sighed angrily. "Just shut up." In one swift movement, Light shoved the laptop onto the floor and without time to protest he had L shoved up against the headboard. 

Shock registered on the detective's face but that didn't stop Light from pressing his lips to his. He squeaked the slightest bit in protest but the young man didn't pull back until he was satisfied. And before he even had time to catch his breath he felt the sharp pain of a backhand to the face. His head turned from the force of it and he rubbed a hand over his wounded cheek. Light looked back to L, whose face was flushed from both anger and what he hoped was from the kiss. 

He lunged at L then and they ended up on the floor, Light on top of him. 

Light smirked. "You know, L, if I had known you liked it rough I would have done that much sooner." 

That seemed to snap him out of it a little because he rose from off of him and sat back, huffing out a heavy sigh. He recollected himself somewhat, covering any evidence of his outburst. 

"I do not appreciate you disrespecting my personal space, Light-kun."

"Oh don't start this again, L." Any cocky comeback was lost on Light’s tongue once he realized how tired he was of his excuses. "Tell me honestly that you don't feel anything for me. You claim to never lie so let's hear it."

He looked at me with that blank stare, but under the surface Light could see the wheels turning. He was weighing his options: lie and sacrifice his standing as 'justice', or tell the truth and lose his dignity. 

It was a long while before he spoke. "I will admit, Light, that you possess qualities that most people would find irresistible but to be completely honest I do not believe I am capable of feeling emotions for a person in particular."

Light’s eyes tightened the smallest bit. "In layman's terms please," he said, somewhat controlled.

"Well it should be obvious to you, Light, with being such a gifted young man. I do not have feelings for you." 

The way he said it made it sound as if he were claiming to not like apples. It made no difference to him; people or fruit or what have you, L did not possess emotions for anyone. Had he diluted myself into believing that he would have been any different?

He must have been letting emotions make their way onto his face because L spoke again.

"I apologize, Light…"

Light forced a laugh but it came out all wrong. His façade was crumbling and he had to do something about it. 

"Don't worry about it, Ryuuzaki. I understand completely." Fake a smile. "Now I'm going to get some rest so I will be turning off the light if you don't mind?" He didn't wait for a response because he didn't have time. His cheeks were burning with embarrassment. He felt the angry prick of tears in his eyes at being so humiliated. And if he were going to hide that, he needed it to be dark…

 

Light had turned his back on L as soon as he reached the bed. He was still curled up in the same position but now he was sure the younger man was asleep, because he would never cry if he weren't. Light didn't show weakness. But in his sleep he was innocent and vulnerable. Sleep was where all emotions caught up to you.

~~~

Light wasn't chained to L anymore. Again he paid no mind. All that mattered right now was that he was standing on the top of the Task Force headquarters building, rain pelting him so hard he was soaked through to the bone.

"Light…"

He didn't need to turn to know it was L.

"I'm the last one left. I am assuming I am next?"

What was he talking about?

Light looked down at his body then and realized that even though the rain was heavy, he was completely covered in blood.

"Why am I--?"

"Because, Light, even the heaviest of all rains does not wash away the sins of taking innocent lives."

"What are you talking about…??" His voice was shaking.

"You know…deep down you know what you've done. No matter how much you choose to deny it, it will always be a part of you. A part of who you are. You always will have killed those people."

"I didn't kill anyone!" Light’s hand clenched and he realized he’d been holding something. A knife. "L please I…" He looked up to lock eyes with him, and saw they held a hint of sadness.

"Perhaps this is the way it should be, Light…"

Light felt his hand inch forward without his consent. "No…!" He tried the best he could to keep it back but to no avail. His body began to move forward as well to close the distance between him and the detective. Tears were forming in his eyes as he knew the inevitable. His body seemed to enjoy that last longing look L gave his before his eyes lost all life for good. Blood pooled from where the knife had entered his heart. Light’s hands then plunged in, after widening the opening, and soon blood covered them. His body brought a hand up to his mouth and the taste of blood soon filled it.

Light’s eyes shot open and he was panting in bed. L next to him, paused in his typing as he seemed to notice the other man being awake. All Light could see were those lifeless eyes staring up at him and all he could taste was his blood in his mouth. 

"I think I'm gonna be sick," he choked out before L had a chance to ask whether or not he was okay. 

He didn't seem to know how to react at first so Light spoke again.

"I'm really not kidding…"

L rose then, leading him into the bathroom and sitting him down, his back against the tub. He came to rest next to him, crouching on his feet with worried eyes.

"Light--"

He held up a finger to stop him, knowing that if he even had to talk about it he’d surely be sick and he really would rather not. But even that did nothing because the taste of blood still was there and oh so real. He was shaking and L seemed to get the idea because he helped him to his knees just as he doubled over the toilet, heaving up the contents in his stomach. Light didn't realize he was crying until he had fallen back onto the floor, curled up on the cold tile, shaking and panting.

"Light…?" He felt a hand wipe away sweat dampened hair from his forehead. "Should I call Watari in here…? I mean I'm sure he would know more of what to do than I in this sort of situation--"

"N-no…" He managed to get out. "Just… an awful dream and I—oh God…." A sob erupted from my chest.

"Light…please, just relax, nightmares are simply emotions and thoughts molded into a twisted scene of sleep. Nothing more."

Light couldn't think of anything but that dream and how badly he wanted to forget it. He didn't care about showing weakness because all he needed right now was L. He needed someone to erase this dream from his memory. Rationally, he knew there wasn't really blood dripping from his fingertips but his eyes were playing tricks on him. Flashing between what was real and what was fiction. Something cool and hard was against my back and Light realized he had pressed himself against the bathtub. And as his eyes went up to see L on his knees, worry etched into his features, the scene flicked to that of his dreams and he shut his eyes tightly. 

What is wrong with me?? You have to get a hold of yourself, Light. L is right, it was just a nightmare!

But for some reason he couldn't convince himself that it was all a lie. There was some truth to what the dream held and it made him want to get sick all over again. 

He was trying to help L. He wouldn't hurt him. Granted, he gets on his nerves with his quirks but kill him?? It made no sense! And what had the dream-L said? Something about killing everyone else? It all felt so wrong but in his gut he knew it was the truth. Could L be right? 

Could I really be Kira…?

He must have spoken aloud because L said something.

"What was that, Light?"

"I didn't even know I was talking…" Light didn't look him, still trying to steady his breathing.

"Light, perhaps I really should get Watari. You are not looking so good and we should make sure you are not ill or--"

"No…you don't have to wake him…" He looked down at his hands and saw they were back to normal. He sighed in relief and looked back up to L. "I'm really sorry…"

Light saw the shock on his face that he buried after a moment. "No need, Light."

He got up to wash the disgusting taste out of his mouth and his legs shook. L looked as if he wanted to help him but Light held up a hand. "I'm good," he told him and L’s body relaxed a little as if he'd tensed previously in preparation.

He brushed his teeth and afterwards for a moment placed both hands on either side of the sink. He looked into the mirror and could have sworn his reflection differed from his current expression. He reached up a hand to touch translucent service but the reflection simply kept his arms crossed and allowed his malicious smile to widen. Laughter echoed through Light’s head and the image disappeared. He stumbled back and felt hands on his arms. 

"Light, what is wrong?"

"Nothing…Just thought I saw something…"

"You need your rest." He led me into the bedroom and gently pushed me down to the bed.

"So do you, L." 

"I do not sleep." 

Light curled up in response, eyes still on him. 

Someone needs to save me from myself...

 

L’s eyes stayed on the teen long after his had closed. A thousand and one thoughts were running through his head. That terrified look; it hadn't been directed at himself, it seemed as if he were afraid for him, not of him. 

And those words.

"Could I really be Kira…?"

Light did not seem to remember speaking aloud but L had heard it, no matter how quiet. 

Could that have been what the nightmare was about? Him being Kira? But why all of sudden was he so utterly disgusted and shocked at the idea? Of course before being taken into custody he had played a rather good act of being opposed, but it was simply that, an act. But now it seemed real. It seemed genuine. That innocent yet fearful look in his eyes wasn't false. 

And in the mirror… he had seen something. Something that terrified him. Something he didn't want to believe was there. He had reached up to touch it…to see if it was real? No it was a mirror and Light must have known, no matter how out of it he had seemed. No perhaps he was trying to see if the mirror image moved with him. And evidence would suggest that it had not. 

He had so many questions for the boy but after how utterly upset he had become over the nightmare he couldn't be so heartless as to have it occur all over again. He had to at least wait. Tomorrow was his limit. 

L glanced at the clock. Or perhaps today as it was just about two o-clock in the morning.

Yes that was what he'd do.


	7. And So It Begins

Everything felt like a blur for the first few seconds of being awake. But then he remembered the night before and was dreading having to look L in the face. He'd surely want to know what the nightmare had been about. He just didn't know what to make of it… Or what L would make of it… Would he throw him in jail just like that? Claiming it was all the proof he needed?? Even L didn't have the guts to do that did he?? At the thought of even the word 'guts' he groaned into the pillow. 

"Does that mean Light-kun is awake?"

Light spared a look to him, alerting him that he was indeed correct. 

"Good because it's nearly ten."

"What?" Light’s voice was a tad raspy and he cleared his throat. "Why would you let me sleep this late??"

Something flashed across his face too quick for Light to catch what it was. "Because I am not completely uncaring. I do know when someone is too stressed to work. And I have been keeping up without being in the company of the rest of the task force and I must say it's easier to concentrate without Matsuda chattering constantly…" He trailed off. "Although, Light-kun, your talking in your sleep isn't much better."

He flushed a bright red. "I do not talk in my sleep."

"I am mostly certain that you do." Light saw the hint of a smile in his features.

"Well…what did I say??"

"Nothing worth mentioning." But the amusement in his eyes told him otherwise.

Light dropped the subject, knowing there had to be another reason to keep him away from the others.

"I also had a few questions for you, Light-kun."

And there it was. 

"You want to know about my nightmare." It wasn't a question.

L crouched on the bed next to him, obviously waiting for him to begin. 

"I was…on top of the Task Force headquarters… It was raining pretty hard… You said my name then but I didn't turn around. I knew it was you. You said something about you being the last one left. You assumed that you were next. I didn't know what you were talking about. But I looked down and saw I was covered in blood and…I started to ask you why but you interrupted me… saying, 'Because, Light, even the heaviest of all rains does not wash away the sins of taking innocent lives'. It sounded just like something you'd say too…" He fought to control his voice. Losing his edge would not be an option. "I told you I didn't kill anyone. And you told me not to deny it. That it would always be a part of me. Then I couldn't even think for myself and—well my body seemed to enjoy the last look you gave me. Longing… I wanted so badly to save you. But it seemed my body had other plans…I can still taste it."

"What can you still taste?"

"Your blood." Light locked eyes with him.

L stared emotionlessly at him for a few moments. "Light-kun."

"L." 

He was silent a bit longer. "I assume you were so reluctant in telling me because you gathered I would take this as proof of you being Kira? Is that the case?"

"Yes…"

"Well you're right. I do. And I have been noticing a dramatic change in you since the 7th day of your imprisonment. I feel it is worth dwelling on. And especially after this dream…"

"You're going to use a dream to convict me as a mass murderer?!"

"Well…in a way yes. I am going to use it to prove that you were once a mass murderer."

"Oh yeah 'cuz that makes it so much better." He rolled my eyes and then realized something. "Wait...once?" 

"Yes. I believe that now Light-kun, for the most part, is innocent. Well…in some respect. You did still murder numerous innocent people along with a plethora of criminals. So I cannot say you're completely off the hook. But right now the main concern is to capture this New Kira."

"Then worry about catching me?"

"Precisely." He nodded once.

"Strangely, I really don't like the idea of that."

L proceeded to rise from his position on the bed but stopped. "And, Light…" He looked to him. "I wanted to apologize for the way in which I acted yesterday. I did not mean to upset you."

"What do you mean? You didn't upset me." 

"Light, I am quite aware of what crying means."

"I--well--" I had nothing to say to that. He had hid it the best he could but L's words really had stung him. 

"Accept the apology and then we can quickly forget it ever happened." 

He saw that underneath the gray and dismal look he gave me, there was something else…

"Apology accepted." Light almost said he was sorry for kissing him…almost.

 

Light was clearly feeling more like himself as the day went on. 

They had arrived at the Task Force late, his father immediately asking how he was feeling. Light seemed to catch on quick to the lie L had told them in regards to their absence. So he responded to his dad without missing a beat.

"I'm okay now. Must have just been something I ate."

L ignored the glance that flicked over to him. Now it was time to work. The sooner they caught the New Kira, the sooner he could prove Light was the previous Kira. Something struck him as he thought of that. As he thought of arresting Light and most likely sentencing him to death. It didn't sit well with him. But he buried his feelings with the consumption of sweets as always. 

"Ryuuzaki…take a look at this."

L leaned over Light’s shoulder to look at the data he had up on the screen. Business men all dead around the same time. And Light was able to make a connection to all of them. Saying he was a genius wouldn't be too far from the mark… There was never anyone whom L had considered to share even the slightest intellect compared to him. But Light was someone different. And he didn't like how he was starting to feel. 

Light was explaining his finding to the rest of the team as L’s eyes still skimmed over to page.

"Er… Ryuuzaki," Matsuda sounded from behind me. "Are you blushing?"

The detective’s gaze snapped to him with a glare that shut him up instantly.

L saw Light's amused gaze from his peripheral and nearly scowled. He was so conceited of course he would assume it was about him. But it most certainly was not. And when the Task Force went out for lunch he made that clear.

"So can I assume last night you were lying?" Light smirked and L wanted to smack him hard enough to wipe it away. "Don't give me that look, L. We both know you were blushing because of me."

"If Light-kun does not stop being so arrogant I may be forced to resort to more forceful measures."

"Anything you can dish out, I'm up for." He leaned closer to dark haired man now. He struggled to steady his breathing. "I see the reactions I get out of you, L. Not for one second should I have believed what you said last night."

Now physical contact was something L was not particularly familiar with, or liked for that matter, but when Light had pressed his lips to his own last night he didn't object. 

L Lawliet, it seems to me you have NO CLUE as to what you're getting yourself into!

The second L heard someone clear their throat he pulled back and his eyes snapped open. He turned to the door to see a very uncomfortable looking Watari.

L’s cheeks were up in flames by now as he watched his mentor pretend he hadn't seen anything. The detective appreciated it greatly. He knew that he wouldn't bring it up unless L chose to do so.

"I was just bringing you your lunch, sir." Watari placed a tray down in front of him. 

"That's lunch?" Light scrutinized the sweets as if nothing had transpired. 

"You seem surprised." L swiped a finger across the icing topping his cake and stuck it in his mouth. He already was starting to feel more in control.

L saw Light's eyes lock onto his finger with the most longing of expressions. He took out his finger with a pop, turning to him.

"Did you need something, Light-kun?" He grasped his fork and took a bite of cake. 

"L…You know tonight, I'll get what I want." 

He locked eyes with Light. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

"Oh don't worry, you won't." 

And so it begins…

 

"Ryuuzaki," Light ground out later that night. "For the millionth time, could we please just concentrate on this case before you start planning my demise?"

"What? Does Light-kun not like me accusing him of being Kira?" L looked to him innocently and he had just about had enough. He lunged at the pale man in front of him, pinning his arms down to the floor.

"Well that was completely unnecessary, Light-kun."

"Quit being so formal." Light hiked his knee up so it was in between L's legs.

L’s cheeks flushed instantly and Light grinned. That was until he flipped Light over so he was on top. 

"Is this what Light-kun wants?"

"No," he laced his fingers in raven hair. "This is." He pulled L’s face down to his own while simultaneously tightening his grip around him.

L fought him at first, but his efforts were next to none and soon there was no resistance at all. As Light swapped their positions he released the other man’s mouth. 

"Light...please…" 

"L…" Light rubbed his hips against his in response. "You must stop letting your words hold such double meaning." He smirked and L looked at him as if he were someone else…


	8. Another Side Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light kinda loses is a little. *warning a little bit of choking*  
> Sex stuff happens.

Something was off. It was as if a position of power got to Light's head. And when that happened there was a change. And the person Light was resembled more the Light L had met at first, not the 'new Light' formed in prison. This Light in front of him—or rather on top of him—was Kira. Power was what got him going. Using this discovery to his advantage would prove both easy and very difficult. Easy for obvious reasons, but not so in the aspect that that would require Light to maintain power. And this display of power was leading somewhere L didn't quite enjoy. Although his body insisted otherwise.

He could feel hungry hands roaming the skin underneath his shirt. He kept his words inside, giving him time. He needed to observe this side of him. The power-hungry side of him that seemed to drive his lust. But soon he felt hands slipping lower and when they reached the button of his jeans a protest was building in his throat.

"Light-kun--" Light cut off the rest of his sentence with the pressure of his hand on L’s neck. His wide grey eyes turned up to meet Light’s and he could see the fire burning within them. 

The smirk on his face sent L’s skin crawling and he desperately wanted to escape his gaze. Even more so, he wanted to breathe. 

With L’s wrists pinned above his head with Light’s other hand and his body pressing down on the older man’s, he wasn't even free to move. Being held like this sent panic through L’s system. This confirmed all suspicions. Light was Kira. But there was something in this being that still held the true Light. Something past the surface of malice and pure joy at the torment of another that was in his eyes. Something burned brighter than even the most demonic of feelings. Something that desperately wanted to pull his hand back… 

 

Just as Light saw L's eyes begin roll back air rushed into his lungs. L panted and choked on his breath, finally opening his eyes to look at him.

L squirmed to get away but Light didn't budge. He needed him to know he hadn't meant it. 

"I don't know what came over me…"

"No need to explain. I know perfectly well what came over you." He tried to get up yet again.

"L," The younger man forced him down. "You have to listen to me."

"Well you appear to have given me no choice in the matter." Dull eyes focused on his own.

"I don't know what that was…but whatever happened I wasn't thinking clearly…I don't want to hurt you." 

"You may not, but it seems that Kira in fact does."

"What do you mean…?" Light narrowed his eyes.

"Well my theory is that you yourself do not recall being Kira, but I know for a fact that you were. Only someone such as you could have accomplished what was done. The dream you had was only more supporting evidence. Part of you does remember what you've done though. And it comes to you through your dreams. And it seems to be seeping into your waking mind as well from what just occurred."

What he was saying made so much sense but also none at all. 

"How could I not remember something like being a mass murderer??" 

He pondered this for a mere second. "I have not arrived at an answer to that. But I know you lost all memories on the 7th day of your imprisonment."

"How do you know that?" Light questioned tentatively.

"If I show you the video you will understand." He paused. "But you must let me up for that to happen."

He remembered then that he was still over him. And he didn't want to move. 

"On second thought…" L began. "Showing you could result in something unwanted so I will contemplate on that further before doing anything… But I do still request you allow me to get up."

"I can't do that, L."

"And why not?"

At that Light leaned in and kissed the marks forming on his neck gently. He released L’s wrists so he could let his hands run down his pale hips and back up, his shirt rising along with Light’s need for him. Hands tried to push him off, but less force than he knew L had was used. Part of him wanted this. A very large and demanding part of him. Light rubbed his hips against that part and he felt a shudder run through the other man; that did nothing but excite him further. 

 

"I want you L…" Light's voice was coated with lust as he whispered in L’s ear. 

As his mind screamed no, his body was shouting yes. The tightening in both his jeans and chest told him so. But this wasn't who he was. His brain beat all battles with his body. Told him emotions shouldn't get in the way. Especially when it came to fucking his main suspect. This was going too far. He knew it was. 

But L still felt himself reaching into his pocket for the key and unlocking the handcuffs. As soon as he had done so Light had removed L’s shirt and slowly undid the buttons of his own. He took his time, knowing L couldn't help but stare. Tan skin contrasted greatly with his own stark white complexion. 

Light's mouth met his and he couldn't hold back the noise that formed in his throat. L’s cheeks were flushed and he wanted to stop him, but wanted so badly to continue. 

"Light…" He murmured against his lips. 

"L…" Light nipped at his ear and his hot tongue against L’s skin made him lose his train of thought. 

He could feel a tingling beginning just beneath his waist. He was desperate for him. 

I need you…

L hadn't meant for it to pass his lips but Light smiled down at him. 

"I know you do, L…" He bent over him and trailed his fingers along every inch of L’s showing skin. He dipped a finger past L’s waistband and slowly pulled down his pants so he was left with his thin boxers and an extremely exposed growing heat.

"Mmm…L…" Light rubbed against the cotton and he let out a moan. 

More…more please…?

Soon L lay completely naked and Light's nimble fingers were wrapped around him, causing his back to arch and eyes to shut tight. His breathing was labored. The feeling of caressing against his sensitive skin was mind blowing. Nothing like he’d ever felt before. Just before L felt a release coming Light pulled away. He opened my eyes to look at him, lust clouding his vision. 

"You're eyes look amazing like that…" He purred.

"Keep going…" The detective’s voice was rough.

"And your voice…" He kissed his neck. "So incredibly sexy…"

"Go further…" L rubbed against the smooth body pressed to his own.

L’s face was in Light’s hands then, being forced to stare into burning amber eyes. He gave him a forceful kiss and L rejoiced in the feeling it gave him. 

His tongue lapped up against L’s and by pulling him closer and thrusting his hips L enticed the most delectable moan from the brunette. It was no wonder he so thoroughly enjoyed being in control. Because it really was a great feeling. 

And even as L let his body take over in a fit of moans and pants; even as he felt lips along every point of his body, tongue trailing down his stomach, and lower still; L couldn't shake the thought that this was all a ploy. That this was Kira being more gentle as to seduce him into believing he was good, or at least enough to let him go. 

But no matter what Kira or even Light tried, he didn't think he was even able to willingly let Light go. Not just for the sake of the case but even if that weren't in the picture, he didn't think he could handle being apart from him. It was simply…too much fun.


	9. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L receives an update from Wammy's House and reflects on the past.

Light could feel L shuddering next to him in the after-effects of their endeavor and he smiled. The older man’s eyes were closed and his head lulled to the side. Light kissed his lips gently and his lids fluttered. 

"Is it just me…or is this…odd?"

Light chuckled. "It may be odd but I know how much you like it."

He ignored the teen’s comment. "Am I allowed to go to bed?" 

"I suppose…" He smiled and followed him to the bathroom where he watched him clean himself off then proceed to put on fresh clothes. 

"Sleeping in jeans must be uncomfortable."

"I am not planning on sleeping. You cost me the time I would have originally used for rest. Now it's time to work."

"Hm. Well I'm going to sleep."

"Of course. Light must have his precious beauty rest." 

Light smirked and pulled the chain so L was right in front of him. I ran the tip of my nose along his shoulder blade. 

"I'm gonna make you mine, L," he murmured. 

"We'll see about that." 

 

L blocked out the presence of the sleeping teenager next to him. It was not an easy task at first but got easier when a message popped up on his screen. 

It being almost 1 in the morning Watari knew Light would be sleeping so if he felt the need to reach the detective he would resort to messaging; something L disliked entirely. 

He twitched as he heard the 'ping'. 

'A report from Roger, sir.' Next to his sentence was a link to a video.

Those tired, old eyes looked into the camera as if he could see L. 

"It has been a while since I sent you an update, I know. But Mello has been…quite the handful lately. Near remains at the top along with Mello. And as to Mello being a handful…well maybe you should take a look and see." 

The tape switched to one of Near and Mello. Near sat on the floor with one leg pulled up to his chest, placing yet another card atop his growing tower. 

"Hey, loser." Mello appeared and kicked down the pale young boy’s creation.

Near didn't seem phased. He simply collected the cards and began anew. 

"Why don't you get out in the real world every once in a while, Near?"

Matt, who was lounging on the couch, game boy in hand, responded to the blonde. "The day he enjoys spending time outside is the day that you stop getting as emotional as a girl on her period 24/7." 

Mello then snatched the game out of his hand. 

"Mels!" The redhead cried out in protest. "I'm in the middle of a poké-battle!" 

"Not anymore." He flipped the switch on the side and threw it behind him.

It hit Near's newly half-built tower, knocking it down once again.

"Who pissed in your cereal this morning?" Matt asked, walking over to retrieve his game.

"Stinkin' Roger limited me to one freaking chocolate bar a day! Is he insane?! I think so!" 

Near reached under his white pajama shirt and help something up. L immediately recognized it as a chocolate bar. 

Mello leapt for it without a second thought. 

"Thank God, Near. I was going to have to listen to him complain all night." Matt smiled in relief. 

Near nodded once to him and for the third, and hopefully final time, began working as Mello chomped happily on his chocolate and Matt clicked his game back on, plopping down next to his blonde friend. 

The video clicked off.

L found a smile on his lips. A sad yet somehow happy smile. Knowing they hadn't changed was always good but…it made him miss the days when he was at least able to be their mentor in person. Dealing with Mello's mood swings, Matt's lack of attention, and Near's social awkwardness were things that kept him occupied. But it seemed they were no longer his… And the day he lost them was like nothing he'd ever imagined.

"L…" Watari looked to him. "You must understand." 

"He is right, L." Roger added. "Things are becoming much too dangerous with you now tracking the most widespread killer we've seen since B. You coming back here only endangers these children's lives."

"And of course if something happens to your money-making machine you need to replace it right away." L’s blank stare seemed to penetrate him. 

"That's not what I--"

Watari cut Roger off. "L, that is not all that you are to us. You have to know that by now."

"Of course, Watari." He pinched the bridge of my nose. "I apologize. But at least allow me to tell them myself?"

He nodded. 

L rose from his crouched position and walked out the door of Roger's office and down the hall. He came to the large opening where the doors were spread and stepped onto the concrete. He stared for a long while, shoulders hunched, hands in his pockets. 

He saw Matt and Mello playing on the field. Blonde hair was dancing in the breeze as he ran to kick the soccer ball he was in pursuit of.

"You're leaving." A voice sounded from not too far away. 

L looked over and there in the shade sat Near, white hair looking even lighter in the sun. 

Their matching eyes locked and the detective nodded once. 

L never questioned how he knew things. He was Near. And reading people was his specialty. 

He saw Near’s grip on the stuffed bunny sitting on the ground tighten the slightest bit. Lakes of grey hardened minutely before pale lids covered them with a blink, ridding them of all emotion. 

How was it that such small gestures could stab at L’s heart? Despite outside thought, he did have a heart. Buried deep within the calculations and data and facts; hid away to protect him from moments like these. Protecting him best it could anyway…

Mello caught sight of him and ran over, Matt in tow. 

"L!" He beamed up at his mentor. 

L mussed silky flaxen hair with one hand, then bringing it back into his pocket. 

Matt pushed his goggles up, tangling them in a mess of red.

To think he allowed it to get this far. He should have learned from his experience with A and B. Getting close was never a good idea. 

"I came to say goodbye."

"Aw man, but you just got here," Matt sulked.

"Not that kind of goodbye."

Their faces fell. 

"W-what do you mean…?" L could see Matt itching to bring his goggles back down. A defense mechanism. 

"The case I'm working on right now…It is too dangerous for me to continue visiting. And there is no way to know how long this case will take."

"Is Kira that big of a threat?"

Mello still hadn't spoken. 

"It would seem it is a possibility." His eyes drifted to the blonde boy after responding to the other.

"You're joking," he ground out. 

"Mello, you have to understand…" L used the same line Watari had spoken to him. 

"No! You're lying! You wouldn't leave! You can't!" 

"It may not be for long."

"But…you still need to pick one of us! So you've gotta stay! Right??" He was desperately searching for a way to make his wants possible.

"I will be getting monthly updates from Roger so that is nothing to be concerned over."

Tears were filling bright blue eyes. 

L continued after clearing the knot growing in his throat. "So in the event that something happens to me…everything will be prepared."

"I can't believe you're doing this!"

"Mello--"

"I hate you, L!" He turned on his heels and ran. And for the first time in L’s life he almost went after someone. But Matt, goggles now pulled down to hide his own budding tears, held up a hand. 

"I'll take care of him…" He hugged him. "Bye, L…" And he ran off to chase his friend. 

The man turned to Near then, who had remained completely quiet throughout the whole ordeal. He crouched down in front of him. 

"You understand, don't you?" 

He nodded and held out his bunny. "For you." 

A hint of a smile spread across L’s lips. He ruffled the boy’s hair and stood, holding the stuffed animal in his hand. 

"Goodbye, Near…" He walked off and found Watari waiting by the car. He sat in the backseat, turning the rabbit over in his hands as he drove. He noticed fresh stitching on the back and popped it open with his fingers. Reaching in, he pulled out a crinkled paper. Unraveling it he saw it was instead a picture. This was the only picture that existed of him. L had fallen asleep on the couch with the three boys, a rare site indeed. An insomniac, one in the works, one kid hopped up on chocolate and the other too obsessed with a videogame to even consider sleeping; yes he did believe that was far from what is to be expected. 

L lay across a major portion of the sofa, knees drawn up halfway. Near had curled up by his stomach, pieces of a half-finished puzzle fallen from the couch onto the floor in disarray; the bunny clutched to his chest. Matt, who had been lounging against the backs of L’s thighs had fallen asleep, game still in hand as it lay limp next to him. And Mello…he had decided to lay across L’s back and once asleep his hand, armed with half a chocolate bar, had fallen down so his fingertips grazed the couch; remnants of his snack still at the corners of his mouth.

And that day, in the back of the car, as the sun gave way to clouds, L Lawliet, cried.


	10. A Little Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L gets some interesting news about a certain blond.

"Um…Ryuuzaki? Hello? Anyone in there?" Matsuda waved a hand in front of the detective's face. 

His head snapped up. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Light couldn't help but wonder if L's odd behavior was because of last night…Although he'd seemed okay before he went to bed, perhaps all that time alone to think had been a problem. Maybe he was regretting it…

Part of him didn't care. Part of him wanted L to regret it. Wanted to force him into something he didn't want and-- 

Stop right there. This isn't you. Get that voice out…

"Just wanted to say we are going out for our lunch break…" Matsuda was giving L an odd look as he left, which was definitely out of the ordinary. 

"Of course. Be on your way." L turned back to the blank computer screen.

"Um…Ryuuzaki, you do know you aren't looking at anything right?"

At the sound of Light’s voice he jumped, almost as if he'd forgotten the other man’s existence. How could he? They were chained together for God's sake…

"Of course…" He opened up a blank Word document and the cursor blinked, unused for a number of moments.

"Alright, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" His gaze avoided Light’s.

He took L’s chin between two fingers and turned his head to face him. His skin looked paler and his eyes sunken in; the rims beneath them somehow looking darker than they had the previous day. 

"Did you sleep at all last night??"

"No. But that is the definition of insomnia, Light."

"L…" Light ran a thumb along his cheek. "Something's bothering you. Now tell me what it is."

"Light…trusting you isn't something that comes easily."

The brunette sighed harshly and pulled back. "You can trust me, L. What the hell did last night even mean if you can't??"

My tone had him staring at me.

"If you expect me to trust Kira then you are sadly mistaken. However,” he paused, “I must say, I like this Light..."

Light looked over to him. "What do you mean? I'm the same person."

"Perhaps..." L's finger was grazing his lip and he was looking somewhere far away. "But before you were cold and calculating. You could see it in your eyes. There was no fire in them like there is now...you said you wanted to catch Kira but there was no passion." He turned his large eyes on Light.

Light couldn't tell if he was looking for a reaction or not. Who was he kidding, L was always looking for a reaction. But...was he serious...?

"Passion, huh?" he questioned with a slight smile, trying to play it off. "Of course I'm passionate about catching Kira."

"But only now that Kira is not yourself, am I correct in assuming this?"

Light jumped up, the chains rattling slightly. "I'm not Kira!"

A hint of a smile played on L's lips. "Yes, so you've said." He turned back to the computer in front of him. "At any rate--"

"No!" Light spun his chair around, placing his hands on L's shoulders. "You don't just get to bring up something like that and just drop it!"

"Before, I'm sure Kira would have let me drop it."

"Don't talk about me like I'm Kira, I'm not Kira!" Light could feel himself becoming upset, anger bubbling from his chest. But there was something else too. Worry. Worry that L was right. Because wasn't he always right?

L was watching him, not saying a word. Waiting. Always waiting. Waiting to see if he'd slip up, waiting to see if he cared enough, waiting to see how he reacted. All because he thought he was Kira. 

Light's head dropped and he slid to his knees. "I can't do this anymore, Ryuuzaki. I can't have you look at me like I'm a murderer. How can you work with me if you don't even trust me?!" He looked at the man above him, fire in his eyes.

"You are correct. I do not trust you. Or should I say I don't trust Kira. But Light on the other hand...or should I say this Light...well I find myself trusting him. Trusting you, that is." 

Light couldn't explain why he felt such relief. It flooded through him, relaxing muscles he hadn't even realized were tightened. Maybe it was because that meant he was one step closer to clearing his name. Or maybe it was because he cared what L thought...cared because this was probably his only real friend. Or maybe more. Light wasn't sure.

"Thank you, L..." 

L nodded and then spoke. "Now if you are quite done I must request you rise from your knees this looks indecent and I'm sure you wouldn't want your father seeing you this way."

Light groaned. "You always have to ruin moments don't you, Ryuuzaki?" He rose to his feet and sat back down in the chair next to him.

L was back to scraping the icing off of the top of his cake with his finger. "Yes, I suppose I do."

And although he wasn't facing him, Light could see the slight smile ghosting the detective's mouth.

 

L couldn't tell if he felt disappointed at Watari's chosen time to visit, or relieved. But he didn't have time to feel anything once he was relayed a startling bit of news, to say the least.

"A new tape from Roger, sir." 

"But we just received one last night…" he began. 

L knew it took a day for Watari to assure that no bugs had been placed in any of the filming material as to not lead anyone back to the base but what could possibly be so important for Roger to report back so soon?

"It would appear that this was a rather urgent message."

L looked to Light, and knowing that Watari would not bring anything into the room useful to Light he trusted that without the sound the teen would have no idea as to what was going on.

So he plugged the earphones into the port and watched as Roger's worried face appeared on screen. 

"Mello has gone missing. Near was questioning me with things that seemed to just be so nonsensical and unnecessary but I handled them anyway. And during this time I hadn't noticed Mello had disappeared from the room. I searched everywhere. And when I went up to his room I found just Matt."

And as he continued to ramble L motioned to Watari.

"Could you bring up the surveillance videos for the time of first Near and then later Matt's reaction?"

"Certainly." And with a few clicks and a password entry on the screen appeared Near. 

Problem number one; generally Near was not one for conversation. Problem two; he certainly never needed to ask questions seeing as he was the one generally answering them. 

And as L watched Mello in that same video he saw him look to Near, for one single second, before walking out the door with his backpack. 

It bothered the detective that no one had seemed to notice this. Someone could have spotted him and it was possible that he could have simply lied and claimed to be going for a walk. But with someone as unstable as Mello, who would take the chance?

And then came problem number three; Matt's reaction. Perhaps during Roger's panic he hadn't noticed that Matt's response to the missing blonde was none too shocked. He didn't even look up from his game. And normally anything concerning Mello had the gamer's full attention. This is what made L believe that Matt must have been on to him. 

If his assumptions were correct then it was indeed possible that Near and Matt helped Mello to escape. But why…? What would be the point in leaving Wammy's House? What didn't they have there that Mello was dying to get to?

But of course he knew the answer to that…

He sighed, removing his headphones. 

"I am assuming this was sent to me not just to notify me but perhaps in hopes of locating him? Or at least gathering the reason for his departure?"

L’s mentor nodded once, his face serene.

"Well that assumption was correct. I have formed a theory as to why he left. And knowing Mello perhaps you have come to the same conclusion, Watari." 

His wise eyes watched L’s; eyes of an elephant looking upon its young. 

"I believe Mello has left in search of me."

"I agree, sir." 

"The only thing that makes me wonder is that Mello may be rash in his actions, but I know Matt would never allow something that would endanger his best friend to take place. Even Near would feel it necessary to step in. So I believe that they helped him. They had to have found at least enough information on where I was so they would feel comfortable letting him go alone, or at all for that matter. If perhaps you could show me the surveillance for Roger's office the day before?" 

He nodded and brought the video on the screen, fast forwarding until, just as L suspected, the three young boys entered the office. 

Mello handed something back to Near and upon closer examination it looked like one of his cards. But from opening the door it was bent out of shape. Near shoved it into the pocket of his white pajama pants.

"Alright, Matt, you and Near take the computer, I got the door." The blonde spoke to the redhead. 

"Alright, time to work my magic." Matt's smirk widened as his fingers began dancing across the keyboard.

A minute or less passed until Matt laughed out loud. Near, who was twirling his white hair absentmindedly didn't move his eyes from the screen. But Mello gave him a look and just as he was about to question him Matt spoke.

"FoxyRuvie21," he laughed yet again. "Can you believe that password??"

"Matt, that's not what we're here for!" And despite his harsh words a slight smile worked its way onto his face and he would most likely laugh about that one later.

Matt made various comments while typing and clicking as fast as his fingers would allow and at last he announced that he was done. 

"Okay I tracked down the various towers that his emails hit along the way and I tracked it down to one final place. We all know Watari takes precautions when it comes to L so I'm assuming this isn't the exact location but he should be within the same city at least." The printer was working and once finished Mello snatched the paper containing the directions. 

L paused the video and zoomed into the final destination. Estimating how much time it would take Mello to get from England to Japan, and the time it took for Roger to contact him, Mello would be close at least by tomorrow morning or sooner.

L conveyed this bit of information to Watari and he went to make the necessary arrangements.

Light was watching L and couldn't seem to keep quiet much longer. 

"I am not at liberty to explain at this point in time, Light." L turned back to his computer but Light caught him by the arm and spun his chair to face him.

And instead of interrogating him as he had expected, Light kissed him. Forceful as it was it was not unwelcome; but I couldn't help but suspect an ulterior motive to such an action. 

"Before you further this you should know I'm still not giving in." L murmured against his lips.

"Is that all you think this is, Ryuuzaki..?" There was a noticeable smirk in his tone, but L didn't press further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter now I swear!!


End file.
